Lenten

I know it's been a while since I've done anything with my blog. And it's quite possible that I say that at the beginning of every blog... but I do tend to stay busy and often the things I have to say are probably best not thrown out into the world for the viewing interests of others. However what is on my mind tonight, I want to share.

As a girl that was raised Baptist and since converted to Methodism, I never participated in Lenten. I don't even believe it ever even came up and if it did, it's possible I was busy writing notes or daydreaming about what I would be doing when the preacher was done and it was time to go, to have even noticed. I of course knew what it was, but Baptists (meaning denomination as a whole, I'm sure certain individuals may) don't participate so I never had to think about what it meant to my life. Then I dated a Catholic guy and decided that I was going to participate in Lent. By this point I was an adult and enjoyed the idea of making grown up decisions that have a religious backing. So I gave up sugar in the form of food. For those that know me, that is a major decision!! I have been a sugar addict since birth. Now mind you, it was just food... so all my favorite drinks were still enjoyed and ice cream was still allowed if it was a milk shake and trust me... I figured out how to make an oreo Frosty go through a straw so it still fit my parameters.

It was during my quest to really dig deep into the meaning behind Lenten that I discovered that I really love the whole reason behind it. I should mention that by this point I had also started visiting several Methodist churches as I knew probably the second I turned 18 that the Baptist church just wasn't for me. I was already making efforts in my life to do a much better job then I probably ever had at figuring out my life and what God wanted me to do with it. Some days the effort was better than others, but the general idea was there. I guess my first foray into a period of Lenten helped to build a better understanding in myself at what I need to try and do.

Now, we're entering my 3rd period of Lenten and while I'm no longer dating the Catholic guy, I am a member of a Methodist church and they are one of the Protestant denominations that do celebrate and embrace the Lenten period. Over the past year I have made major steps in my life to have a better relationship with God. While several things have happened that I have certainly neither enjoyed nor understood, I know there is a reason. I know things will be different. I know God is in control and I just have to trust Him. And while thinking about what I'm about to do during this Lenten period I decided this evening to add 2 more things to my list.

I decided back in January that what I was going to give up this year is unnecessary spending. I need to save money, I need to be better with how I handle my money, and I need to learn that just because it's super cute and on a sort of sale... doesn't mean I have to own it. The day I decided for sure that this is what I'm giving up, was a day that I walked into a store to buy 1 pair of flip flops and left with said pair of flip flops plus a super cute pink skirt (on clearance for $9!! How could I pass it up?!) and had mentally bought over half the store. My only saving grace was that I still had a few days until pay day... When it crossed my mind that no, I can never successfully handle giving up unnecessary spending, I knew that is what I HAD to give up.

Next, I decided tonight that I wanted to also participate in the aspect of doing something beneficial. Well, while I pray every day for God to help me to be a better Christian, I know I'm not. I know that I can be heartless at times and that I can be easily irritated and while it is pretty much known that I am in truth a kind, generous, and loving person I have noticed that I have too many moments where I am none of those things. So my 2nd thing for Lent is that I am going to be more mindful of things that I am close to saying and instead try to say a quick silent prayer for the strength to be more like how God would want me to be.

And third, I just decided on a whim after talking over the 2nd thing with a friend this evening. There are several personal things in my life that I know God is sorting through and working out. I know it'll all be done in His own perfect timing and not a minute before or a minute after. Over and over I have felt God tell me to trust Him. And I do. But this evening while giving myself a pep talk I felt that familiar quiet voice sneak in and say "Do you trust me?" and my mind very quickly jumped to that scene in Aladdin. The scene where he's on the carpet and Jasmine is on her balcony and he holds out his hand and says "Do you trust me?" and she kind of tentatively tells him yes. Well, I realized that I'm often like Jasmine. Sometimes I'm tentative with my yes. To clarify, the aspect that makes me tentative is the process or the span of time not so much the final result. A couple of things that I continuously ask God about I feel I've been told the final result so it's more the path to those things that confuse me or frustrate me. So my third thing is to not be tentative when that quiet voice says "Do you trust me?" There is no need for me to ever question how He does His job. He can already do it better than me so it's best to leave it up to Him and I just need to keep checking in and making sure I'm on the path He has laid out whether it makes sense to me or not.

And now... as I am about to head into my first Ash Wednesday where I actually participate in receiving ashes, I am beyond excited. I love this time of year. I love the celebration of Easter. And... I love the discipline that Lenten asks of you. My first 2 times of participating in Lent were certainly very difficult, but I have a feeling this years will be the trickiest for me yet. And now I have it out there for anyone to read and for those friends that do read this, I'm asking that you help hold me accountable for my 3 things. Oh... and if any of you asks me to go shopping with you before Easter is here, you are putting me in a very tricky position. For one reason, you are tempting me to fail miserably at my first thing, and for a second reason when I tell you no, I may have some very un-Christian like things to say to you. So do us both a favor and don't ask me. :)